Here's to 364 Days of International White Male Days: A Message to the Broletariat

In lieu of the recently belated Black History Month, and current Women's History Month, white men the world over are starting to feel the neglect and bitter sting of BROpression. BUT WAIT! Did you know that despite the 364 days of the year unofficially devoted to celebrating men, International Mens Day is on November 19th?

So just try to wait it out boys. Soon enough it will be November, and in the midst of growing out your beards, if you're lucky, you could end up like these guys - happy just to be in an interracial testosterone pool, politely touching one another's shoulders (that guy in the back looks particularly happy).

I know that it's hard to be a dude these days, but don't forget, you guys do have plenty of support systems in place to assuage this constant stress. For instance, this site to tell quaint anecdotes celebrating conquests of blowjobs and sandwiches, or this official literature dictating your rules for social decorum. However, Stephen Colbert brings to light the true threat you are facing today:

Today's political landscape is now dominated by Black Men and White Women, while one group has been completely marginalized: the White Male. Sure, you can still find the occasional example of white men in power. A token 389 in Congress. A conciliatory seven or so on the Supreme Court. One in the White House.

Yes, men control only 485 out of the Fortune 500 companies, and a mere 3 branches of government, yet the systematic disenfranchising runs deeper everyday. It's predicted that within about a generation, white people will no longer compose the majority of the country. Slowly the white vision of meritocracy is disintegrating. The recession hit so many hardworking blue-collared men, that now according to author Tim Wise, they have been forced to share unemployment lines with "those people" - black and brown.

For the first time since the Great Depression, white Americans have been confronted with a level of economic insecurity that we're not used to. It's not so new for black and brown folks, but for white folks, this is something we haven't seen since the Depression.

But don't get defensive, take action. Economic insecurity is what Colby Bohannan says convinced him to form the "Former Majority Association for Equality." The association is awarding $500 scholarships to five deserving white men because they aren't eligible for scholarships reserved for women and minorities, he says. See? There is hope for you after all (even though unfortunately "Whiteness Studies" programs only exist in a very limited number of universities). Don't let the ladies and non-white people threaten your brotalitarian regime, take your jobs, question your worth, or deny your history. Because after all, "isn't the greatest victimization of all being robbed of your ability to be the victim?" So make everyday an opportunity to celebrate men, just don't ask me to join you at the keg party. 

                    Worry not. You shall brovercome.