I Should Probably Calm Down About "Having It All"

My feature profile of Oregon State House Rep Shemia Fagan was months in the making. Worth it. It ended up saying exactly what I wanted it to, although I didn't know what that was when I started:

The story was near completion when my editor asked me "what is this story about?" I wrote this op-ed for the Willamette Collegian, explaining how I learned the answer:



Shemia Fagan just had a baby. Whatever, women have babies all the time (not me though, gross).

But Fagan is also serving her first term in the Oregon legislature - - from attorney to Democratic House Representative. She started campaigning while pregnant, and popped little Alton out a few months before election day. Like, what? Who does that? It was an intense campaign too; she was up against an incumbent.

I find a kindred spirit in Liz Lemon. As a young professional woman on a focused career trajectory, I’ve considered the likelihood of “having it all.” My conclusion? “Don’t even think about it, bro.”

My mom never went to college, and stayed at home to raise my brother and me. I love her, a lot, but I’ve worked hard to ensure that I never find myself in her predicament. “You don’t need no maaaan to get by” has been my personal mantra since I was about 7. Except when I was 14 and wanted to grow up to be a professional housewife, but I got over it.

My brilliant defense is to throw myself into my work. I’m the news intern at Oregon Public Broadcasting, and report on government affairs, local politics, and sometimes the weather (it’s alright, I’m the intern).

A few months ago I chose to profile Shemia Fagan. I knew she’d just had a baby, and figured there had to be a story in there somewhere. Plus there’s more women in congress now than ever before, so it was all coming together. For weeks I showed up at her town hall meetings, followed her through the Capitol, and visit her at her home.

Something about her was off.

She’d work 12 hour days at the Capitol and constantly meet with local constituents, then on Saturday morning she’s just relaxing in front of the fireplace watching The West Wing, with I hate to admit it, the cutest baby in the universe. And she seemed fine! So nonchalant about “having it all.”

I may have had some ulterior motives when I started the project. I’ve tried so hard to convince myself that I’m just going to be this dragon-woman, killin it in the professional world, and as utterly alone as I am successful. But. But. Maybe the idea of having a family isn’t the worst. Maybe babies are OK, sometimes. Maybe I know my hypothetical offspring would be the cutest and the smartest ever. And maybe Shemia Fagan could show me how it’s done. I thought my report could end up being a “how-to” for young women all over the world struggling to find that balance.

I also worried it might end up being some awful, patronizing, “Look! Women can accomplish things too!”, or an equally patronizing “Let’s count all the sacrifices women have to make boo-hoo” story.

It ended up being none of those things.

After her baby was born, Fagan’s husband “manned up” (her words) and took family medical leave. She told me that’s what made it all possible. She head back to the campaign trail knowing her baby was well. Her husband still cares for the baby often now that she’s at the Capitol.

Then she mentioned that her dad was a single parent raising three kids, and had dreams of running for public office, but never could.

I had found my story.

It wasn’t about sacrifice. Fagan doesn’t feel like she’s missing out on anything. She works hard as a legislator but knows how to tell people no. She isn’t there for every second of her baby’s life, but still gets plenty of quality time with him (like while she breastfeeds him in the dressing room at Target).

And of course it wasn’t some miracle story. This woman is obviously qualified for the job and it’s ridiculously condescending to be surprised by that being possible.

It ended up being a story about support. For men and women, having support is enabling, and kind of necessary (no matter where that support comes from). I’ve been prioritizing my independence because I didn’t want anything to hold me back (turns out I’m not actually a psychopath though, so that plan is flawed).

But women aren’t changing - they haven’t evolved into Superwomen whose days actually consist of more than 24 hours; although they’re still willing to sacrifice a lot of themselves for their families. Careers aren’t changing - jobs are still jobs, and you need to be competent; although the increased presence of women have changed some workplace dynamics.

The point is there’s a chance that us young women won’t have to choose between professional success and love and family. I’m not trying to be as peppy and optimistic as Fagan either. What she’s doing actually is a big deal, and she’s doin a’ight, but I feel like she’s trying really hard to come off as being so composed, with everything under control.

Maybe we can be part of the change we want to see. Legislation is slowly but surely working its way towards creating a fair and equal workplace for the sexes. And society still has its doubts, but is getting used to the idea that women are a little more than childbearing vessels. But maybe the harder we try to prove ourselves, the more we interrupt that progress. Everyone needs support, but that’s OK. We’ll probably be able to accomplish a lot more with it. Unless you actually are a psychopath. In which case have fun just being CEO.

Nothing freaky, please

This article was published in Willamette University's The Collegian, March 14, 2012

Most of the recent women’s health debate concerns a detail of The Affordable Care Act (which passed), and the Republicans’ attempt to shoot it down (which failed). All this fuss is over a sensible contraception rule which is hardly a significant change in standing law. The Equal Opportunity Employment Commission already ruled in 2000 that failure to provide contraception coverage violates the 1978 Pregnancy Discrimination Act. Polls also show that the majority of voters, even Catholic voters, are in favor of Obama’s measure.

So given Rush Limbaugh’s apparently minimal impact on policy and public opinion, what are the effects of his psycho misogynistic remarks about Sandra Fluke?

The media storm that followed was shocking considering these comments were made by a man notorious for hyperbolic, foundationless, and insulting claims. How can we allow ourselves to be so offended by someone who is clearly insane? And then there’s the feminist movement, so afraid to take a real stand that they’re only emphasizing the non-sexual importance of contraceptives.

I don’t care to defend Fluke as a non-slut. Rather than implying that having sex somehow devalues a woman’s insight, we should be clarifying that contraceptive coverage is a basic healthcare right despite a woman’s sex life.

Our sexuality is clearly being politicized, and one danger of our current defense is it perpetuates a culture of shame. For young women in conservative and religious environments we should not only ensure that their care is covered, but that they won’t be too ashamed or embarrassed to take advantage of it.

So must we all become nymphomaniacal sex-machines for this message to be effective? No.

If the conversation is about our rights, we needn’t discuss to what degree we are sexual beings. Whether we be more prudent or promiscuous, as sexually active women we assume nearly all the risk associated with each sexual encounter. A call to solidarity among sluts doesn’t make this fact anymore obvious to the world.  

We should acknowledge that we enjoy sex for many reasons. However, as healthy and important embracing our sexuality is it has little influence on the policies that affect it. We also cannot generalize our sexuality or advocate promiscuity as a way to disarm our opposition’s offense.

It’s ignorant and beside the point. We can do better.

Clearly we should try to distance ourselves from our designated societal roles as non-sexual child-bearing vessels, but to win legal battles we can’t get distracted or defensive. We have an opportunity here to bring attention to our policies and the lack of women behind them. Women hold 17% of congressional seats, 4% are women of color (Uganda and Afghanistan literally have more women in their national legislatures), and we can no longer afford to entrust old white men with the wellbeing of our vaginas.

When we act either apologetic or radical we just look nuts and give the Rush Limbaugh’s of the world exactly what they want. We have plenty of reasonable arguments and we should stick to them. Don’t be dragged into rhetorical abstraction by a big fat nobody. Instead, use your voice to explain intelligently how “women’s health” is not only a women’s issue, and maybe then we can make some progress.

Here's to 364 Days of International White Male Days: A Message to the Broletariat

In lieu of the recently belated Black History Month, and current Women's History Month, white men the world over are starting to feel the neglect and bitter sting of BROpression. BUT WAIT! Did you know that despite the 364 days of the year unofficially devoted to celebrating men, International Mens Day is on November 19th?

So just try to wait it out boys. Soon enough it will be November, and in the midst of growing out your beards, if you're lucky, you could end up like these guys - happy just to be in an interracial testosterone pool, politely touching one another's shoulders (that guy in the back looks particularly happy).

I know that it's hard to be a dude these days, but don't forget, you guys do have plenty of support systems in place to assuage this constant stress. For instance, this site to tell quaint anecdotes celebrating conquests of blowjobs and sandwiches, or this official literature dictating your rules for social decorum. However, Stephen Colbert brings to light the true threat you are facing today:

Today's political landscape is now dominated by Black Men and White Women, while one group has been completely marginalized: the White Male. Sure, you can still find the occasional example of white men in power. A token 389 in Congress. A conciliatory seven or so on the Supreme Court. One in the White House.

Yes, men control only 485 out of the Fortune 500 companies, and a mere 3 branches of government, yet the systematic disenfranchising runs deeper everyday. It's predicted that within about a generation, white people will no longer compose the majority of the country. Slowly the white vision of meritocracy is disintegrating. The recession hit so many hardworking blue-collared men, that now according to author Tim Wise, they have been forced to share unemployment lines with "those people" - black and brown.

For the first time since the Great Depression, white Americans have been confronted with a level of economic insecurity that we're not used to. It's not so new for black and brown folks, but for white folks, this is something we haven't seen since the Depression.

But don't get defensive, take action. Economic insecurity is what Colby Bohannan says convinced him to form the "Former Majority Association for Equality." The association is awarding $500 scholarships to five deserving white men because they aren't eligible for scholarships reserved for women and minorities, he says. See? There is hope for you after all (even though unfortunately "Whiteness Studies" programs only exist in a very limited number of universities). Don't let the ladies and non-white people threaten your brotalitarian regime, take your jobs, question your worth, or deny your history. Because after all, "isn't the greatest victimization of all being robbed of your ability to be the victim?" So make everyday an opportunity to celebrate men, just don't ask me to join you at the keg party. 

                    Worry not. You shall brovercome.

International Women's Day: Inspiring Literacy

This year's theme for International Women's Day is Connecting Girls and Inspiring Futures.  To me it is very clear what young women need to succeed: education and literacy. There are currently 793 million illiterate people in the world, and nearly 2/3 are women and girls. Overall, worldwide education of girls in primary schools are increasing, but there remains a significant gap in the continued education of females across the globe. From the many refugee women working to create better lives for themselves, to the future policy makers of the world, literacy enables all women with the empowering gifts of confidence and security for our futures.

I would like to take this International Women's Day to thank my mother. She was never an avid reader but always expressed to me what it felt like to read a book and get lost in another world. She always had a fascination with words and language, but felt stifled by her inability to use them properly to express herself. With this she instilled in me a ceaseless curiosity and propensity to read and write, and to explore the potential of my knowledge. Your support of these personal endeavors of mine means more to me than you know. Thank you.

Retro Is So In! (And by Retro, I Mean Oppressing Women)

When I was young I wanted to grow up to be a housewife. I thought it meant being stylish, useful, and appreciated (because you know, June Cleaver was a real person). I watched I Love Lucy everyday, wherein Lucy was given an allowance by her husband and spanked over his knee when she "disobeyed." It's not that I thought this was OK (my mother has always been a very strong woman), but the sitcom still resonated. When I reached fourteen,  I had my first boyfriend who lived in a small apartment with his father. This provided me with the perfect opportunity to practice for my future and become highly domesticated. I cooked full meals then vacuumed in my heels and pearls while they watched the game. I was living the dream. Needless to say, we broke up just in time to realize that I should probably go to college (but I still brought the heels and pearls with me).

Apparently I was way ahead of the curve! Of course the show Mad Men is a hit, but British clothing company Madhouse has taken the "women are inferior and should do all the shit work" thing to a whole new level. Yesterday, Emma Barnett, editor at the Daily Telegraph, tweeted this photograph of her boyfriend's trousers from Madhouse:

Yes, the label not only provides typical clothing care information, but adds the advice to "GIVE IT TO YOUR WOMAN - IT'S HER JOB." Now, I still love ironing and baking pies and joke about being an oppressed housewife, but the thrill sort of dissipates for me the moment those contributions become expectations. The problem with this label (besides the fact that it's not really funny), is that our society still draws lines between what is "women's" and what is "men's" work. This can be seen in the lack of female CEO's and salary discrepancies between the genders. A recent study suggests that men and women may be sharing house work equally by the year 2050. But hey, at least we're on our way.

The problem with these trousers is what they're attempting to appeal to in their customers. This label plays on a primitive and fundamental expectation men have had of women. I don't believe that the majority of men still behave accordingly, but this marketing tactic by Madhouse does nothing but insult those who don't hold a sense of pride in their overcoming of oppression.

Douchebags, Hipsters, and Bros

All of these things have meant the same thing to different people at different times in America. Today the term "douchebag" generally just means jerk, although it has gone through phases of much more specific connotations. Brian Palmer supplies an exposition on the history of the term "douche" as an insult in the repertoire of American vernacular. Here is a condensed timeline:

Novel Ninety Times Guilty (1939) includes a pimp named Jimmy Douchebag

Journal article about military slang (1946) definition: “a military misfit”

Book Plexus (1953) a male transvestite named Minnie Douchebag, a “crazy fairy who sings and plays the piano”

Cult hit Last Exit to Brooklyn (1964) the prostitute Tralala tells a man she’d “fuckim blind not like that fuckin douchebag he was with.”

Definition by the journal American Speech (1967) “an unattractive coed,” or, “by extension, any individual whom the speaker desires to denigrate.”

Taping of The Morton Downey Jr. Show (1987) an audience member taunted political activist Lyndon Larouche with the phrase “Larouche is a douche."

Anthrax song “Startin’ Up a Posse” (1991) lyrics “You’re a douche, you’re a douche, you’re a douche,” in apparent reference to record executives and/or government censors.

Brooklyn hipsters adopted the epithet to describe men with “gelled hair, fitted baseball cap, multiple pastel polo shirts with popped collars layered one atop another”

The insult turned back on them, as outsiders proposed calling a collection of skinny-jeans-wearing Brooklynites “a douchebag of hipsters.”

The Oxford English Dictionary defines douchebag, in its epithetical sense, as a “general term of disparagement,” or more specifically as “an unattractive or boring person.” Now clearly these definitions don't consider modern usage of the term, which to me just describes your average arrogant Entourage watching Broseph. Hearing someone called "douchebag" hardly brings to mind an image of what it physically is - a hygienic accessory for female genitalia. Now it's no surprise that the term evolved to be a general pejorative description of somebody that sucks. It's rare to hear a female referred to as a "douchebag", most likely because the term is intended to point out some sort of insufficiency, or even worse, immasculinity in a man. Clearly nothing is more insulting than being likened to a vaginal hose which actually increases bacterial infections. Yikes.

Rush's Response

After being barred from speaking at last week's hearing regarding Obama's policy on contraceptive coverage, Sandra Fluke, Georgetown law student and activist, testified to House Democrats who held a hearing this week regarding the matter. Fluke spoke of the personal cost and importance of employer-covered contraceptives, and the case of her friend who took the pill to treat polycystic ovary syndrom (PCOS).

Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh's hateful and misogynistic response to Ms. Fluke's testimony was one of accusations; "Feminizi", "slut", "prostitute". Personally I was surprised at the media storm that followed these comments, which were made by a man notorious for hyperbolic, foundationless, and insulting claims. Today Limbaugh offered a statement saying that he was only trying to be humorous, and his "choice of words was not the best".

I remember making similar apologies to my mother during my teenage years: "I'm really sorry I talked back to you, but you really pissed me off and you totally deserved it."

It's refreshing to know that despite the fact that Limbaugh has dismissed himself as a credible political commentator, he is still being held accountable. The issue here isn't just about religious support, sexual freedom, healthcare coverage, or women's rights. Limbaugh's outlandish comments reflect the unfortunate coarsening of political discourse today. Georgetown President John J. DeGioia offered ameaningful insight on the matter in a statement released yesterday.

"In an earlier time, St. Augustine captured the sense of what is required in civil discourse: 'Let us, on both sides, lay aside all arrogance. Let us not, on either side, claim that we have already discovered the truth. Let us seek it together as something which is known to neither of us. For then only may we seek it, lovingly and tranquilly, if there be no bold presumption that it is already discovered and possessed.'

"If we, instead, allow coarseness, anger — even hatred — to stand for civil discourse in America, we violate the sacred trust that has been handed down through the generations beginning with our Founders. The values that hold us together as a people require nothing less than eternal vigilance. This is our moment to stand for the values of civility in our engagement with one another."

In general, media is more polarized than ever and shock-value seems to be ranking highest among our priorities. Despite the fact it has been infiltrated by the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly, we cannot give up on the quality of our political discourse, or we risk sacrificing our most effective means of democracy.

Beware of "Monsterating" Women!

Leap Day.

I love holidays, and now thanks to this week's 30 Rock there's a whole new set of traditions for the quadrennial February 29th. Modern Family however chose to mark the day with commentary on the truly controversial issues of today, such as gay men fearing their forties, hypocritical Latinas desperately seeking protection by their men, and the insanity and terror of multiple women in one household all menstruating simultaneously.

The social value of Modern Family is questionable, but I've generally praised the show simply for depicting two cute married men, cross-national adoption, and interracial couples. There's question of whether this only serves to perpetuate stereotypes, but I can usually oversee such issues in the name of comedy and topical entertainment. But I have to say, I'm kind of a bitch when it comes to period jokes.

In the episode "Leap Day", father Phil is excited to celebrate the extra 24 hours by doing something extraordinary and taking the whole family out to a trapeze class. Unfortunately his excitement is quickly squandered by "Satan's trifecta", when his wife Claire and two daughters are all on their period at the same time. The first sign of trouble comes when Claire is seen crying on the couch while watching that Sarah McLaughlin PSA on t.v. The daughters are quick to join her as the boys watch on in terror. How unfortunate that it's a sign of female instability to feel empathy for helpless abused animals.

The men continue their panic, tip-toeing around the subject and plotting their strategy. Phil gives his son and nephew a nice educational talk about how "the woman's actually taking great pains to hide the monster she's become. But if you acknowledge it, just once, the monster appears.” Eventually the subject does come up however as the son accuses all the women of "monsterating". I kid you not, that is the punch of the entire episode.



Claire is cognizant of the games her husband is playing, and admits that "nothing makes someone crazier than going around acting like they're crazy". This idea known as "gaslighting" is a tale as old as time, and one as dangerous to women and relationships as ever. Though in the end all three women understandingly come through to make helpless Phil's dream of trapezing come true (we women tend to give in that way you know).

I'll admit, last night as I was catching up on the latest episode of Glee (I know, I know), I broke out into a full on sob fest at the mere thought of moving to New York and following my dreams. I may have cried myself silly in the privacy of my own studio apartment, but that's not to say that this knowingly somewhat-irrational behavior would ever follow me out into society. Needless to say Modern Family's reductive depiction of period-stricken women who ruin the lives of men around them and whose "brains don't work" was just a silly hyperbolic attempt at the same flat comedy as always.